The Lover-Creator, the Advocate, God.

“We write about what we don’t know about what we [do] know.” –Grace Paley

“… writing fast to get ahead of the censor.” –Donald M. Murray

The censor, the accuser, the Satan.

If I write fast, can I get ahead of the censor and discover what I don’t yet know about what I do know? I have to write to know what I think and feel; my identity is formed through writing – and for many months writing has helped in forming my spiritual identity, as well.

If I write fast, will I learn the future? Will writing reveal God’s plan for me? Ah, but I know that I know God’s plan for me – what I do not know, and cannot truly imagine, is the shape, the look, the outcome and results of that plan.

The Plan itself is for me
to daily accept God’s claim on me,
to daily belong to God,
to accept God’s compassionate, maternally-enfolding love for me;
to accept God’s powerful, paternally-protecting and defending love for me;
to accept God’s demanding, patient, persistent, lover-pursuing love for me.

You, O God, are the Womb in which I rest and am nourished and grow.

The Accuser accuses God (“He doesn’t really want you”) and us (“You’re not good enough”)

 

I do not understand this Other Person who has invaded my life – this Very Significant Other….

God, when I dare to act in response to my understanding of your will, be merciful to correct my understanding and my action, as you did with Abraham, who was prepared to sacrifice Isaac.  Amen.

 

© 1997

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About Nancy Smith

Nancy Smith has 20 years’ experience in technical writing and management in software companies. She also has more than 20 years in Christian ministry as an educator, course designer, retreat leader, spiritual director, pastor, and coach. A United Methodist Deacon, Smith has her M.Div. from Boston University. She is a graduate of the Guild for Spiritual Guidance, and is certified in Spiritual Direction and Retreat Leadership from Boston College.
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